Driving in Minnesota 101

Hello potential Minnesota tourists!  Now that we've had our first significant snowfall of the season, it is safe to officially declare the beginning of winter.  As such, there might be a traveler or two out there who has Minnesota on their upcoming agenda and might be thinking, "I wonder what the driving is going to be like there?"

Wonder no more.  This blog will present you with the photos and a few well-chosen words to sum up driving during the four seasons.  

First off, let's set the record straight.  There are actually only two seasons in Minnesota: winter and summer.  Fall only lasts for a few weeks and we like to call it Indian Summer around here, as it occurs sometime in September or early October, long before any leaves have dropped and the pools probably still have water in them.  Yes, we really do have pools.  Every Minnesotan either has a lake or a pool.  It's one of our residential rights.  Then we play hockey or skate on them in the winter.

The last few years, it's been snowing in April and May, therefore, so much for Spring.  The mosquitos will be biting by the time the snow melts.  That means it's officially summer.  Now for those pictures I promised.

Here's what you can expect driving in Minnesota in the Summer:

As soon as the last barrel is picked up, the snow starts flying.  Here's what you can expect in the Winter:

Since you might be coming in Winter, it's helpful to know about "White Knuckle" steering.  To keep with the times and at least appear hip, let's hereinafter refer to it as WK.  It's a simple procedure, you'll be able to learn it quickly and it will come in handy right out of the rental car parking lot.

First of all, put your hands in the proper 10 and 2:00 position.  Never mind what your teen's driving instructor (the paid one) is telling them about 8 and 4:00.  You won't be able to achieve a proper WK doing that.  Get your hands at 10-and-2.  Now grip the steering wheel as tight and hard as you can, until your knuckles start to turn white.  It might take awhile for them to turn white, just keep hanging on.

There you go, now you've got it.  The reality is, you won't have to practice WK much at all.  Once the car starts sliding out of control (what we in Minnesota like to affectionately refer to as "fish-tailing"  and it's not something that happens in a boat) WK is an auto-reflex and your hands will immediately know what to do.  It doesn't really help steer the car any better, but you will feel more in control knowing that you are hanging on as tight as you can.  If you see a patch of ice, do not, I repeat, do not hit the brakes. Engage the WK and start praying out loud as you "glide" across the ice.  Taking several deep breaths or breathing rapidly, whatever works for you, might help too.  When you come out the other side of it, a small celebration will be in order.

Well, there you go.  That's about everything you'll need to know about driving here.  If you come in the summer, the driving will go as slow as it does in the winter, oh I'd say around 10 mph, 20 if you're lucky on account of all the cones and barrels and lane closures.  There's a lot of road repair to be done here after the snowplowing and pot-hole formations (to be explained in a future blog).  The road crews do not waste a second getting right to work on fixing the winter damage and coming up with new projects.  The roads need to be rebuilt regularly after what they go through every year.  You'll have plenty of time to find your way around going at that speed.  There might be some horns blaring and fingers flying.  Don't be fooled by "Minnesota Nice" and misinterpret it for waving when you are driving.  We are one of the top states for Road Rage incidents, particularly in the summer.  You can probably see why just looking at the pictures.  There is much less road rage in the winter, probably on account of the WK we're all doing.  It's best to ignore it and fast forward to the end of the blog.

The moral of the story is: leave more time than you think to get there.  Double or triple the time it would take you to drive that distance in most other places.  If Mapquest tells you 20 minutes, make it 60.  You will impress everyone by being on time to your destination.  Don't tell 'em you heard it from the Queen of IML8.

And on a final note, after all that driving, you deserve to relax.  You're likely to see one of these along your route or many other alternatives.  We have  A LOT of liquor stores here, not like some other states.  Pull an immediate right or left and take care of business. You'll thank me later!